23/6

Amazing night last night.
Did absolutely NOTHING!
Stayed home, watched some trashy TV and did some scrapbooking!
Was such fun!

Also gave M a hair cut! He wasn't so keen that I didn't take all that much off but I think it looks much better at this length!

My week was fairly relaxing, worked 3 days and spend time with friends and M the other.
M's birthday presents are all sorted, paid for and wrapped! I'm so excited! 11 days to go and counting!
I think there is one more I would like to get him but will have to see how funds go and if I can afford to get it.
But I reallyyyyy want to!!

I applied for a full time permanent position at work during the week.
The more I think about it, the more I want it.
The money would be absolutely fantastic!
I could start saving properly, possibly for a house!
Only problem would be early starts and getting there but I feel if I am keen enough I'll get used to walking!
I brought an umbrella so I'm set!
I just really want to be working full time again.
I have that horrible gut feeling I wont get it though and that sucks.
But here's hoping!
Positions not available till August so I have a long wait ahead of me!

e.

Update. 18/6

The lemon slice, was AH-MAY-ZING! Now I just have to try and not eat it all!

Otis update:
It's like he gets cuter every day. But also he gets naughtier everyday!
He was inside with me before and broke into the bedroom and woke M up!
It's not just that though, he chews everything! From the coffee table, the kitchen cupboards, my slippers. Anything he can fit in his mouth he clamps them tiny sharp teeth down and goes to town!
The worst thing is, he seems to have forgotten everything we have taught him during toilet training!
Nothing worse then cleaning pee off the ground.
BUT I still love him to bits!

M and Otis having a stare off. Cute!

Mum update:
She has an appt today about getting recon so all fingers are crossed she gets her wish and within the next 90 days hopefully she is a new, happier woman!

I'm really looking forward to hearing how she goes.
Note to self: Organize time off work after recon.

M update:

M is great, I love him to bits!
I am getting so excited as his birthday is coming up!
I've tried my hardest to spoil him rotten I just hope he knows how much I love and appreciate him!

So today I am catching up with a friend and my bubba god son J.
I've been working so much it can be hard to see them and I am so excited!
The only downfall is someone I went to school with past away yesterday. I wasn't awfully close with him but it can still jolt your heart a little. It just sucks that people can loose there life so early.
Every moment counts and I want to live my life to the fullest!

e.

Pug spam!

I gave Otis a bath today and he loved it!

Was the first time M hasn't been at work at bath time so he got to see it!
Was all very exciting!
Here's some cute bath time snaps!

e.

Fu*cking gene.

A few years ago my family went through some big changes.
My Mum was diagnosed with breast cancer. This was massive for me and at 15 I felt it really hard to deal with. She was dating someone I didn't get along with and I felt like I had no place in the house anymore.
I ended up moving out and in with my Dad.
This I now understand was really difficult for Mum but our relationship lasted and is still fantastic.
A few weeks after Mum was diagnosed she underwent a double mastectomy which is to have both breasts removed. I went up and waiting for her while she was in surgery and seen her after she came out.
She was still a little out of it and all she wanted was to see me and 13 pillows. She looked adorable and was still a little dopey. It was later in the night by this point so I got her pillows, brushed her hair (at her request) and then we had to go home.
Over the next week or so I traveled up and back to visit her until she was ready to come home.
We are almost 4 years on now and she is doing great.
Still waiting on reconstructive surgery which can be very hard on her but we are hoping in the next few months she will finally get what she is hoping for!!

A couple of years later I was tested for the breast cancer gene and found out that I was a positive carrier.
I had already assumed this was a possibility and accepted it but it was still very difficult to hear.
From the get go I was positive I knew what I was going to do, I wanted to have preventative surgery and have both of my breasts removed ASAP.
I found it a little hard to get a surgeon to agree so gave the hunting a rest.
A few places I called refused to talk to my because of my age.
Which I am now thankful for.

Last night I was looking around online at peoples reconstruction and how there breasts looked after surgery, this really upset me.
I ended up having to put the laptop away and go to bed.
I couldn't stop thinking about it when I got to bed and it made me feel really sick.
I honestly don't know what I want to do now.
It's not just this I am worried about though.
It's the things I didn't think about until I was in a serious relationship.
What about one day when I want to have children? What if I pass this gene onto them?
How could I live with myself if one day my children had to go through all the things I am now going through.
I don't know if I could. There is a 50% chance I could pass the gene on. That's massive.

I haven't told anyone any of this yet. I guess I'm not ready too.
It makes me angry, sad, frustrated and devastated all at once.

e.

The average day.

Had a fairly relaxed morning yesterday.
Got up slightly late and did things around the house.
Was meant to meet up with a friend (M) but got called into work so ended up having to cancel.
Didn't have to start work till 1.30 so was able to relax and slowly get myself ready.
Was an average day at work nice and calm and I generally enjoyed the day.
Got home just before 6pm and cooked dinner.
Mat, Otis and I just relaxed after tea while watching some TV.
It was really nice.
I decided to make a lemon slice which we are yet to try but it looks really yummy!

Cute photo of our baby, Otis from when we first got him.

e.

Who knew ...

I never thought I would be a blogger.
But here I am.

Feeling the need to do this for me.
To have my voice heard, but not shared.
So for now this is my personal page, to let my thoughts run free.
One day I might share.

e.